Adam\’s Stream of Consciousness

If you blog it, they will come

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Archive for the ‘Who Wants To Be A Superhero’ Category

Who Wants to be a Superhero week 4

Posted by Adam on August 18, 2006

It’s that time of the week once again true believers.  What has Stan Lee got cooked up for our hero hopefuls this go around?  Will the Dark Enforcer foil their exploits?  Will anyone eat Fat Momma’s donuts?  What will Major Victory do next?  The answers will leave you rolling on the floor!

The show begins with the someday supers spending some free time patrolling the streets; stopping evil doers and helping the innocent and weary.  Creature makes a litterer go back and pick up his trash along with others, Feedback stands in front of a lingerie store window to prevent small children from thinking impure thoughts, and Fat Momma criticizes a meter made for parking in a loading zone.  Huh?  But the star of the segment is once again Major Victory, who, after taking off his cape and using it to cover a puddle for two old ladies, finds a way to work in a moonwalk after helping said elderlies cross the street.

Just as Stan congratulates the group on their good deeds, the Dark Enforcer rears his ugly head (both figuratively and literally, have you seen this guy’s mug?).  Turns out he’s been away on recon, and he has gotten confessionals from those close to our spandexed squad.  The comments are nothing exciting, basically a tool to contradict the stories of our contestants, made watchable mainly due to the reactions and teasing of our favorite super villian.  The videos do provide Stan with the needed fodder to make an elimination though.

Based on the fact that in a past life she tossed trash out of a hotel room window, and perhaps in larger part because she jaywalked while on her earlier peace keeping mission, Creature was sent home.  The remainees are of course very saddened and will miss her.  Being the thoughtful and environmentally conscious girl that she is, Creature sends over a basket of organic fruit to the lair for breakfast the next morning.  Everyone is happy once again, except for the one who complains about all the fruit being raw off camera.

The next task is one that has been teased all season, as the caped contenders are sent off to rehabilitate hardened prisoners.  There is a catch however, as Stan bestows secret sub-tasks on each person.  Lemuria is up first and she needs to sit on her prisoners lap for ten seconds.  Our gal in gold hardly manages to break the ice with the prisoner, let alone get on her lap before being yelled out for touching.  Needless to say she fails.  Up next is Fat Momma who is tasked with brushing back said prisoners hair three times.  Despite constantly being told not to touch, F.M. manages to eek out three brush backs before being sent off.  The missions continued to be accomplished as Major Victory successfully places his hand on a large black prisoners shoulders over the course of his time.  Last up is Feedback who proves to be the most successful of our homegrown heroes.  He manages to successfully initiate three hugs with said prisoner by connecting with him about losing their fathers.

The task is over, so that means it’s time for the final elimination of the night.  Lemuria is on the block automatically since she failed her mini task.  Up against her is Major Victory.  Stan has had a problem with Major Victory from the start about his disrobing.  You see, our favorite Mr. Incredible look-a-like used to be a stripper in his previous life, and some traits are hard to kick.  While most of his costume has stayed on, Major Victory seems to lose his cape almost every time out (despite repeated warnings from Stan the man).  However, his clothing issues are not enough to eliminate him.  Lemuria’s lack of accomplishment with the prisoner ultimately leads to her demise, proving once again that Major Victory is a winner, not a weiner.

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Who Wants to be a Superhero week 3

Posted by Adam on August 11, 2006

This week’s show starts with the re-debut of the Dark Enforcer to the remaining seven hopefuls. Surprisingly most of the costumed contestants feel shocked and betrayed to find their former friend turned foe. After the Dark Enforcer leaves the lair a near cat fight actually breaks out between Lemuria and Fat Momma, sparked by the evil turn of Mr. big gun.

The first task this week is to go buy lunch at a nearby restaurant and bring it back for inspection. As Stan is about to examine the nutrition, the Dark Enforcer appears on a second screen to reveal that in reality this was a test to see if the heroes-to-be can conceal their hidden identity. You see he bribed the staff and put up hidden cameras in the restaurant. Wow, this guy is so much better as a villian. I am actually upset he had to be a hero for the first two weeks. Fat Momma and Feedback are the only two who do not divulge their alter egoes. The rest of the gang succumbs to the temptation and flirtation of the waitstaff. Monkey Woman actually goes as far as to tell the waiter she is an actress and thus seals her fate. She is the first one gone tonight.

Task number two involved the spandexed six traversing what they believed to be a five story high wooden beam to save a damsel in distress. However the Dark Enforcer once again turned the tides on the troupe. With each contestant blindfolded, they were unable to realize that they had been turned around and that the beam was actually resting on the ground only five inches high. Despite the sinister switch all of the heroes showed courage and were safe from elimination, but that didn’t mean that highlights were not to be had. Fat Momma actually gave the damsel a donut to help energize her for the walk back across the beam, though that was only good enough for the second best performance. Major Victory helped to maintain his lead as he not only worried about his hair getting messed up by the wind (provided by the Dark Enforcer via a large fan), but he also instructed the damsel to place her hands on his “sexy hips” as he guided her back to safety.

Since everyone passed the courage test, Stan asked the remaining lair members who they would eliminate if they were in his place. Creature started things out by saying that she felt inferior to the rest of the group and that she, herself, should be the one to leave. Feedback, Major Victory, and Lemuria followed suit, but Tyveculus and Fat Momma decided to call others out. Stan revealed that this task was to test self-sacrifice and called Tyveculus and Fat Momma out to face elimination. Upon review it was deemed that Fat Momma (who called out Feedback due to concern that he was too hard on himself after failure) was looking out for the safety of her fellow hero, where as Tyveculus (who called out Lemuria for confronting her fear of heights because “she could have died”) was just looking out for his own good. Tyveculus was the next to be eliminated.

Major Victory, Feedback, and Fat Momma console Tyveculus as he leaves while Lemuria and Creature watch in the distance. Back at the lair Fat Momma calls out the others for being frauds and just telling Stan what he wanted to hear. Lemuria even admits to it and says that she is playing a game and is here to win. As the show ends Fat Momma states that she is now playing for revenge and to get back at everyone. If that doesn’t sound like a villian in the making, then I don’t know what does.

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Who Wants to be a Superhero week 2

Posted by Adam on August 4, 2006

After last week’s spectacular debut, can the second week possibly live up to expectations? Truth be told that as the episode was progressing I couldn’t help but feel a bit underwhelmed. The absurdity and satire was still very apparent, but much like the Iron Enforcers outfit something was missing. I’m getting ahead of myself though. We must start where all tales do: at the beginning.

Things start off this week with the potential superheroes asked to write anonymous questions about their fellow crusaders. The queries ranged from the obvious to personal attacks on characters. Highlights being Iron Enforcer all but admitting to using steroids, Creature saying she doesn’t wash her dreadlocked hair, and Major Victory tripping over his words as he tells Stan and the gang that he wants children to admire his exotic dancing. I can’t make this stuff up.

After the comic book hopefuls dared and double dared each other it was time for our physcial challenge. The task involved “hopping” a fence and traversing across a backyard to the back entrance of a helpless old lady’s house. Standing in the way of our do-gooders were two trained attack dogs. Some had little problem completing their objective (Major Victory, Feedback, and Tyveculus), others put forth little effort (Cell Phone Girl, Lemuria, Fat Momma, and Creature), and then we had Monkey Woman and Iron Enforcer. To say that one persevered and completed the task at hand while the other literally cried “uncle” would not be surprising, but little could we imagine who would be playing each role. Iron Enforcer made it to the stoop of the house only to fall short mere inches from the door, while Monkey Woman fought for almost ten minutes before finally arriving at said door. The results of this trial sparked the first elimination of the night, as Cell Phone Girl got her service disconnected after only lasting four seconds with the dogs.

Spirits were lifted, following the exodus of one of their own, when the super hopefuls were given costume makeovers. Things progressed swimmingly for the most part during this special effects filled bonanza, though there were three costumed comrades who did not perform up to snuff and were sent before Stan for another elimination. Tyveculus received, shall we say, a substandard new outfit but decided his best course of action was to lie to Mr. Lee and act elated. As he emerged to show off his new digs Feedback, after viewing the new flaired head dress of Ty, joked about his trojan clad lair-mate being Stan’s “biggest fan”. Tyveculus then decided it was in his best interest to admit to Mr. Lee that he was not enjoy the new look, and thus was allowed to return to his original costume. Finally when Iron Enforcer emerged from the changing room Stan couldn’t help but think there was something missing from his new look, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. With these three men on the pedistals of elimination, it was Iron Enforcer who was sent packing. It seems that the fourth time was the charm for this roid raging bodyguard.

This episode would not end with letdown however. In a move sure to be talked about for hours, if not days, to come, our cameras followed the former Iron Enforcer as he made a reluctant trek away from the lair. Then, out of a pile of trash, a televisoin turns on. Stan makes our fallen hero an offer he can’t refuse. He figured out what was amiss with the Iron Enforcer outfit. Turns out our shaved headed mass of muscle wasn’t cut out to be a superhero at all, but rather it was the persona that was all wrong. Stan asks the man to join him in thwarting the advances of the hero hopefuls as their new nemesis … the Dark Enforcer!

Time is running out for you to jump aboard this ship. There are only four episodes left in the mini-season. The joys of watching grown adults act like eight year olds is priceless, and now with the Enforcer infinitely better cast as an arch-villian the potential for comic gold is even higher. Until next week — Excelsior!

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Excelsior!

Posted by Adam on July 29, 2006

Stan Lee has saved this dreadful summer television season, or is he threatening to foil his own plot? This is the burning question that haunted me as I enjoyed the wonderfully entertaining first episode of “Who Wants to Be a Superhero,” Thursday night on the Sci-Fi channel. When I first heard about the show I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I knew I would be giving it a chance. How serious were they going to be with this? Was it going to be an honest attempt at finding a new comic book hero, or were the creators just looking to spoof the reality TV competition format?

My questions were quickly answered as I was introduced to the cavalcade of characters who would be vying to be the answer to the show’s namesake. Enter Fat Momma, an obese black woman with a utility belt of donuts; Iron Enforcer, a bare-chested body guard with a shaved head and huge gun strapped to his arm; and Monkey Woman, a female Tarzan type with a penchant for primates. What started out as a group of twelve hopefuls quickly dropped to ten, as it was found out that one of the hero hopefuls was actually Stan Lee’s spy. This Kevin Smith/Peter Jackson look-a-like quickly ousted openly gay toy maker Levity; exposing him as unjust due to his motivation of making millions off of sales of himself in action figure form. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried!

There is one super student who stands above all others. Take the outfit from Mr. Incredible, throw in some West Side Story mannerisms, add a dash of over flair for the over dramatic, and you’ll come up with Major Victory. This guy wants to be a fake superhero more than anyone else, and by golly he’s going to the part like it’s a Broadway role until someone says otherwise.

The first assignment the crime-fighting cadets had to tackle was a costume changing time trial. Beginning in civilian attire, they had to find a secluded spot to change and then sprint towards a predetermined finish line. However, there was a diabolical obstacle put in their path: a small girl who lost her mommy. Amazingly, six of the ten wannabe wonders completely ignored their diminutive damsel in distress, proving that they’re no angels. Out of these six, three were selected by the task’s evil mastermind (and almighty ruler of the Marvel Universe and this show) Stan Lee to stand trial for elimination. In the end it was the rather mundane Nitro G who was sent packing, but I certainly will not be going anywhere anytime soon. The remaining nine may not be superheroes yet, but they’ve already saved my Thursday nights!

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